Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Randomize
