I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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