I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wanna bring you to show and tell
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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