If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
