i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
