RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
