i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
