But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
