I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It's just like the Real World with babies
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
