i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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