oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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