ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
