Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
