If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
