Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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