I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
home. puking in laundry basket.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
