that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
