My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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