we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
