i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
