Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The uberlube is also flammable
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My feet surprised me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
