but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
