Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
