I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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