mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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