She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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