apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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