I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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