Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
