Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We are all done wearing pants today
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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