New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
