If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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