Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
