just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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