Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
