My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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