First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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