im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
