i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
