Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
