I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
