Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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