...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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