it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
