my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize