great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
