I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
