Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
