There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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