I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
