I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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