I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
it's like heaven, but drunker
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I will be naked everywhere
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
