Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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