It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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