He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
