Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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