then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
