I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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