You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
