I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
