shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
